I Was Hoping

As we were talking outside,
It was cold,
We were shivering, yet warmed by the subject matter.

My wife is in the next room,
Weve been having troubles you know,
Please dont tell her or anyone,
But I need to talk to somebody.

You said, wouldnt it be a shame if I knew how great I was
Five minutes before I died? Id be filled with such regret
Before I took my last breath.
And I said, you're willing to tell me this now, and you're not going to die
Anytime soon.
And I said I haven't been eating chicken,
Or meat,
Or anything.

And you said yes, but you've been wearing leather and laughed and said
Were at the top of the food chain.
And yes youre still a fine woman,
And I cringed.

I was hoping,
I was hoping we could heal each other.
I was hoping,
I was hoping we could be raw together.

We left the restaurant where the head waiter (in his 60s), said
good bye, sir. thank you for your business sir. youre successful and
Established, sir, and we like the frequency with which you dine here sir. and
Your money.
And when I walked by, they said thank you too dear.
I was all pigtails and cords.
And there was a day when I wouldve said something like,
hey dude, I could buy and sell this place, so kiss it.
I too once thought I was owed something.

I was hoping,
I was hoping we could challenge each other.
I was hoping,
I was hoping we could crack each other up.

I too thought that when proved wrong, I lost somehow.
I too thought life was cruel.
Its a cycle, really.
You think Im withdrawing and guilt tripping you.
I think youre insensitive and I dont feel heard.

And I said do you believe we are fundamentally judgmental?
Fundamentally evil?
And you said yes.
And I said do you believe in revenge, in right or wrong, good or bad?
And you said well, what about the man that I saw handcuffed in the emergency
Room,
Bleeding after beating his kid, and she threw a shoe at his head.
I think what he did was wrong, and I wouldnt have had a hard time feeling
Compassion for him.
I had to watch my tone for fear of having you feel judged.

I was hoping,
I was hoping we could dance together.
I was hoping,
I was hoping we could be creamy together.



Alanis Morissette